How people wander.

My trip draws nearer, only a few months away.

Funds bother me due to unpaid debts from people who don't seem to ever plan to pay things back.

Snitching on the bullies never gets you far, so what happens when they're your managers? I am not excited to find out. I'd rather not go back to work right now.

I hate migraines, but I'm just not sleepy. I'm exhausted, but not sleepy.

Wander mind, where you will. Just leave me alone.

A Shimmer in the Storm

I suppose I did need a little spark, something that could try and lift me from my depression. I hope this actually works, however.

I am all a-twitter and blushing, likely due to ovulation. I finally am feeling sleepy at night, but still not capable of falling asleep. God, I miss my meds. I was able to sleep at least a bit better when I was on them, now I just feel wired. Or, wired around my ability to sleep.

I don't know what to do with Yours and Mine, or Drip Drop. I just can't seem to write beyond a point; I get stuck. I imagine a writing class could help with that, but I don't know. I still am not sure what I want to do.

I like helping people. It is amazing when I can really help someone with something, for instance, with betta fish. To know I told them everything they need to know, that they'll go home with something that will make them happy, and will be happy with them.

But I don't like other things...idk.

The spark has gone for the moment, but oh well. I knew it'd never last, as it never does. The fact remains that I have him and I truly am not looking for anyone else. Yes, my eyes wander, my thoughts stray, and I do want to appeal to others, flirt, and be wanted. But I always want those things. ESPECIALLY when I'm in heat.

It's hard to maintain desire towards a dense guy who doesn't understand he needs to do sweet, random things, on his own. I have no connections to him outside of the internet, and it's very, very hard to deal with sometimes. It's easier to let my frustration with this out than to hold it in and fake being blindly happy.

Too much works makes Zel An odd child

In order to make this all work, I need money. So I opted for more work than my unmedicated self can handle. I've pretty much been afk from the majority of the internet for the past week, only focusing on what I dubbed important or curious. I feel I need more than 2 days off this week (not 2 in a row, just 2 in general), 8 days of work in a row is a bit much for me...

I think half the battle is the bus because it's such a long trip. Not even that, it's the walk home. I can tolerate walking down the hill, but not up. It wears me out...so much...I'm always out of breath, always have a headache, always coated with sweat.

I wish I had people to help me with the visa. I feel alone. Reece has done enough. The money for paying off my mistake with college was more than enough...there's not much else he can do. I..need help on my end. I don't have anyone to help me. People I have as "friends" never stick around long, and are never close enough to "hang out" with, ever...

I am not even nearly indestructable. I am self-destructable, slowly...I'm trying to let my mind speak but she's pretty broken. Iamme hurts inside of me and wants an easier way, and knows if I lose all this it's done and I have no other way.

People are horrible and I don't know why I try, and I'm locking up the rest of my mind with a key as I type...

I need a visa and need to get out of here...how...help...

Inspirational Entertainable CHEESE!

I'm feeling more manic than usual right now so I feel the urge to write. Not sure what I have and haven't mentioned on my blog since it's been untouched for so long...

Well, for one, Spotify fails at life, I'd adore an alternative.

Two, my bettas are doing lovely. Sunset is my grumpy boy and greets me whenever I wake up. He must watch me, because as soon as I shift around in bed he swims to the front of his bowl and flaps his fins at me. It's cute. The others do too but not to his stalwart intensity.

Three, still wondering how I'll be getting to Australia. Reece and I are an inseparable pair at this point ((all because of troll-Con xD)), but getting a visa is a pain in the ARSE. But I'm at least doing my research of what it'd be like to live there. So many animals in pet stores are native to Australia...Parakeets, Finches, Bearded Dragons...it's so odd.

Not returning to school here, it's complicated. But here's the gist of it: I'm off my meds. Yep. Off the meds I held dearly too, and now I'm unstable to the max once more.

I am 99.9% positive I have IEED, or involuntary emotional expression disorder. There might be a side of cyclothymia in there, but it could also just relate to my menstrual cycle.

And now I must end this blog, for I must shower then scamper off to work in the bullshit 45% humidity heat. It's apparently 89 atm and feels like 92...but when I leave it'll be 92 feeling like 95. Not a cloud in the sky.

At least in Australia, they have aircons. Lucky. I have a fan =.=

I am off~

The Inhuman bell

I'm going off of my Prozac. Yep.......>_< I can't even be jokey right now because my body feels...UGH. First it was lethargy and it got worse, and now I feel...off. Tingly and unpleasant.

I need to get started on a LOT of things in my life. But I'm shutting down from this. Moving to Australia is the main thing, I need to figure out what to do in relation to that.

Ugh...I have felt better. Where is my damn zyrtec. x.x My eyes are sticky. I feel awful...

Lucksweet.

It's nice to finally, for once, find someone that gets vibes. I get vibes from people, in photos, in ways they talk or act. So many. So does Con.

So I can have someone to agree with me about, for instance...getting a bad one about someone's ex.

Who..never deserved someone like him...or so the vibe reads to me.

He's genuine and she's not...which is why the photo doesn't hurt me. Why I saved it.

He's so genuine...

I'm lucky...

Wishes.

So fucking happy I bought a purse. Not really related, but I did.

And I am..

...I..Idk. No one gets jealous of me. No one...has..ever just...complimented me like that out of thin air. I...lovely? I think about him and I melt a little thinking someone genuinely good, likes me. There's something so wonderful about him. I ...wish...I could be near him..