Last night I lay awake listening to "Shake It" on full blast. I felt the stereo of it through my earphones, making me feel I was there. It made me think of him.

I don't know why I like him.

So I joined OkCupid because eHarmony was obviously FAIL. You had to pay for it. No thanks. I've found my bf's through free Pokemon forums, I would do it again if I had to.

Lotsa guys, most were ehh. Why? ...hair. Hair hair hair. Short-haired guys don't appeal to me. If they appeal, it's just...rare. Like a guy I'll term as "Teddy Bear" at my school. I have no idea why I like him. Or Drop-Dread/Stallion/whatever I should call him (my friend nicole would understand either way, heh). But the first was a no-go because...because. Second ended up with the cutest friend I have, and to break them up would be to step on a puppy wearing a clown hat. YOU CANNOT. DO. THAT.

I was outta options, someone posted something about eHarmony, I joined, quit, googled, found another site w/ good reviews...OkCupid. Answered questions. Perused. Repeat a few times. Finally found a few guys that seemed decent.

The next day I talked to a few people I was interested in...that was a failure. No clicks on any of them. I expanded my search to long distance...found a few peeps. Only sent one a message. Stayed online for a while, then done...

Next morning...chatted with previous people. Nobody caught my eye, most convos I only stayed with out of politeness. Only one started to catch my eye. Then I started to be waiting for a reply. And, at some point...I ended up deleting every favorite I had except for him.

We talked...and talked...and something felt right...

Now I'm curious. How will it last. How LONG will it last....can he handle me...will he stay?

...will he leave me in the most painful way by leaving without a word? The most completely unbearable pain I have ever known...

I feel like a stalker...but I want to know everything about him...I want to figure him out, to be with him...I wonder if he returns this...

I wish we could talk more when I am actually sane (in the evening) xD;;

Wish me luck, oh nonexistent friends of Blogger...

Spasm of the Diaphragmal Center

I don't like feeling insane. I am out of control. I know it. A heat radiates in my rib-cage and up my neck. The heat is fierce.

I could kill anything right now heartlessly. No, I couldn't...but I want everyone to leave me alone. I could hate anything right now.

Why am I such a mess?

Fix me, world...:/

The Mouth of the Dragon

Why am I a freak. Why does it hurt so much. Why can I never be normal.

It keeps hitting me, again and again. I tear up, but all I want is sleep. I wish I was normal.

I need someone to help me...*sighs*...