Smash Me Like a Lamp

Last night my dream consisted of wasps and Harry Potter. Wasps disturb me, I would rather never have to think of them again. Staring at one, cold and moving slowly, within 2 panes of glass is alright. But everything else scares me.

Can't recall the magic parts of the dream. Had school in it, and a water slide...and a rollercoaster.

Lucky me. The guy I had to break up with because I never saw him (which, in a real life relationship, i can't handle --- only online can i handle it)...is going out with my good friend now. I'm going to fall apart soon. I don't know why I keep checking facebook for a reply. I'm a glutton for heartbreak it seems.

The guys I seem to fall always end up hurting me. Or it doesn't work. Currently my crushes are on unattainables --- online guys, people sans interest, and a guy without a facebook who probably just considered me as his permanent gym partner.

Why am I such a damned hopeless romantic. I don't get it.

Most love songs are sad because pain desires release, and one's voice is a velveteen option.

I pulled Buffy up on my chest before I got out of bed, before I knew what it hurting me now. She rubbed her maw against me, nuzzled me, licked my chin so sweetly...I love her so much...I don't want to hurt anymore.

Death by Choice

I should probably be working on my NaNo novel. To be honest, I don't care right now. I can't care. Every time the thought enters my frame of consciousness, it is shoved out. I'm not particularly fond of it. I would much rather be able to do what I want to and should do.

Every time I get on Blogger, I try my best write write up an entry. At the end this will be the death of me, seeing how I refused to go by Nakyr in my posts. I can only hope that my harasser never traces me without the other half of my internet name anywhere in this blog.

I'm single again, of course. I can't recall if I spoke of it; I got with a guy for a few months, but I saw him...6 times total maybe, if that? His mother was the most wonderful person in the world. Almost like falling in a vat of fiberglass.

Oh, that reminds me. I am fairly certain that the man in the news against cyber-bullying doesn't truly know what it is. He provoked it, he isn't getting bullied, he's being a baby. If you're going to call someone a Gay Nazi, you should probably have some evidence, and probably shouldn't make a crappily-edited picture with a flag and a swastika. Dickhead.

Bullying is being targeted for reasons that aren't just...

Such as a girl finding out everywhere I was on the internet and trolling me because her boyfriend said I was a stalker. It does seem though that I got things taken care of. Seeing how I did nothing. Thank goodness for having blackmail on that guy...

Umm...let's see. My mom died September 17th, and now even the topic of alcohol angers me. I wasn't affected when she died by the tragedy, but now she plagues my nightmares. Most recently, such as last night, I tried to hide beer from her. The night before she was walking around half-dead and bleeding and wouldn't stop drinking. Screw that shit.

I can't even get the hiccups anymore like a regular person. I sound just like my mom did the day she died. Every time I hiccup. It hurts. It's breaking me.

Buffy is still my adorable, precious sweetheart. I love her more than life itself. She's my goofy little goofball, and absolutely brilliant. I love her to death, even if she finds me to be an amusing chew toy.

^ Caught as she cleaned her lips. Looks like she's on something.

There's my girly snoozing next to my netbook.


Oh yes; I went to the Rally to Restore Sanity and/or Fear. I suppose I can link to my facebook photo album of pictures I took if/when I finish uploading them. I can proudly say I picked up more than 2 pocketfuls of trash. :3

I suppose that's it for my life right now. Winter is coming and changing the air, and Buffy is convinced she can make me leave the outside door open. Heh, it's hopeless, it's far too chilly.

Hasta la vista, persona(s)...I truly doubt there will be any.