Too much works makes Zel An odd child

In order to make this all work, I need money. So I opted for more work than my unmedicated self can handle. I've pretty much been afk from the majority of the internet for the past week, only focusing on what I dubbed important or curious. I feel I need more than 2 days off this week (not 2 in a row, just 2 in general), 8 days of work in a row is a bit much for me...

I think half the battle is the bus because it's such a long trip. Not even that, it's the walk home. I can tolerate walking down the hill, but not up. It wears me out...so much...I'm always out of breath, always have a headache, always coated with sweat.

I wish I had people to help me with the visa. I feel alone. Reece has done enough. The money for paying off my mistake with college was more than enough...there's not much else he can do. I..need help on my end. I don't have anyone to help me. People I have as "friends" never stick around long, and are never close enough to "hang out" with, ever...

I am not even nearly indestructable. I am self-destructable, slowly...I'm trying to let my mind speak but she's pretty broken. Iamme hurts inside of me and wants an easier way, and knows if I lose all this it's done and I have no other way.

People are horrible and I don't know why I try, and I'm locking up the rest of my mind with a key as I type...

I need a visa and need to get out of here...how...help...