Here I am again.

Again, I'm trying with a boy.

I think I've got him wrapped around my finger.

He's damned handsome. No lie. Every time I see him I think of how hot he is. When I first saw him, I thought I didn't have a chance. But now...

I wonder if I can love him. But if I can't, at this point, I've come to a revelation: I don't need to.

I've felt true love. I've known what it's like to not be able to stand the thought of dying and hurting the one you love. But I suppose it's better not to live my life that way. Or maybe not...I can't be sure.

I just hope I can hold onto him. I want him so badly. I hope he'll remain mine. I really don't want to have my heart broken again...

I can't even count the amount of times it's happened by now.

~ Anzel

Why an Eternity

I'm worn. Drained. I want nothing. I am nothing.

It doesn't take much to wipe me out. I'm not sure what did it this time. I just feel...tensed, a little uncomfortable.

I want to drive a thousand miles away and lie under a cliff, the warm-cold soil falling on my face as the wind blows the grass on the ledge above me, the roots shaking loose their cage.

I want someone and I want no one.

I don't like feeling like this. I have felt this a thousand times over, but it never feels familiar, it always just feels like it always feels. I could explode right now. I could sleep. I could break everything in my way, I could cry. I don't like this.

I'm starting to feel the effects of my estrus. I want to act on things but know better. This will not be pleasant.

I look and feel retarded because I just scratched a mole right under my jaw. It's gonna bleed forever...<<;

*sighs* I hate my life...