Run Away

Run away is the depression/suicide feeling. Some way, any way....you just have to leave your problems because otherwise they will overwhelm you, and suicide is what you decide if you have no run away choice...

Work just drained me last night...and today, for some reason I was just...out of it. And I pissed my grandma off for not being chatty...I get up at the time she tells me to, 10, every fucking morning. Asking me to ALSO force happy is just...-.- If I wake up naturally, I'm chatty. But if I force myself up, NO. I won't be. Then, when I thought about it, SOMETIMES I WAS.

WITH. MY. MOM.

MY. MOM.

They are NOT my mom. My mom got me, I loved talking to her. They aren't the fucking same. I don't want to talk about work when I just get home. YES, I'M SORRY I'M JUST LIKE MY DAD IN THAT RESPECT. SO FUCKING SORRY FOR MY GENETICS.

I mean...at the end of my shift...honestly...I just...I couldn't even...be my mom's perky work self. I just had to force a smile, and normally I'm really good at being customer friendly. I just...>_<

Every day is a work day. Even my day off because it's fucking church, hypocrites forcing me to go to something I DON'T BELIEVE IN.

My aunt will agree with my grandparents...I'm being rude, have no manners, never was taught, need to be more friendly or something...idk...or maybe not, but probably...then I'll get an hour speech...just.......

*screams* I want to move over there with Jake...oh yeah...got a redhead bf, for some reason I think I'm secretly happy about the ginger part, lol...if only green eyes...but silver is lovely too. But if I go I'd never be allowed back with anyone. My grandparents would reject me. I just don't know anymore, it's too fucking complicated.

I was growling and sneering at the world on my walk. I was biting all onlookers. No privacy.

I don't want to lose this blog but I think Jake's a safe bet and Idk why...sigh...either he'll be scared off or he'll accept...idk...run away...just.........
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p.s. 4/20/69...happy birthday mom...