The Rosebird Calls St. Peter.

I just woke up and already I'm crying. I upset my Aunt last night for not knowing all passwords were entirely case-sensitive and citing an example. I was on a 3-way phone conversation and it bothered me because I was trying not to step on either my aunt's OR my grandma's toes, and ended up just...stepping on both.

This week will suck. I can't be myself, I have to be my trained polite child self and even then, I make mistakes. I have to abandon my medical self. I have to accept every stigma and taboo that a religious grandmother may have, and accept that she is always right.

I miss my mom. She...didn't always think she was always right. She was emotions...that's all gone now. She fucking drunk herself to death and now I have to try and reach for fucking STRAWS.

I don't want to go back onto the tightrope, I CAN'T balance here, it's IMPOSSIBLE. My mother's father is much more stable. My dad's parents are ultra-conservative, religious, they're WAY too far one way for me to ever balance. Mostly my grandma. I feel out of balance here. Idk how I'll survive a fucking week...

Mom...why did you go...why...