And so the world nights.

Having crushes sucks. Especially when they're on people from far, far away. I mean...sigh. I'm confused right now. I confuse myself.

Problem one, I just cannot stand anyone overweight, being with them...because of sexual things, and clamminess. It's never seemed tolerable. I tried my best to convince a semi-nearby guy to lose weight for his own sexual benefit, but it never got through to him. I doubt it would in this case either. Though to be honest, it's more tolerable when the guy isn't hairy.

Problem two, distance. Though to be entirely honest...I wouldn't mind moving somewhere, some day. That isn't something worrying for me, if they're tolerant.

Problem three is that my hormones make me like multiple people right now. So I'm not sure. I mean, saw Con in a video, for some reason immediately thought hot. This is strange because, well? I never used to. I think I've gotten to the age where guys that look mature actually fit into my criteria. BUT LIKE I SAID, hormones. I DON'T KNOOOWWWWW.

Bah. I wish I knew what I wanted. I do. But it's not that simple. Because I'm a female. And my hormones are crazed.

I dunno. It's...flattering to know a guy actually might like me though. Without me initiating it, or getting to know them on a dating website. It's a first really because people don't exactly crush on me. Ever. It makes me blush like a maniac to hear someone might like me. I like shyness. I like knowing everything. I'm curious but so many questions can't be asked because...taboo. Sigh. I wonder what Con, himself, thinks. Not sure, pretty sure it's nada because he doesn't seem interested in most people...that and I'm 21. Being young, so fun. Sigh. I dunno. But finding these things out are good fodder for daydreams. Though at the moment, it's been so long I have no idea what I'd even daydream about...

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The sweets of dreams lie beyond the fences we have created
Worlds we cannot cross without pain and strife
Love knows no boundaries nor does the pain of a crush
That lingers upon the many you know but can't touch

You wonder and wander and hope that maybe someday
Someone will find you nearby within your grasp
But every time my heart lingers on another soul
He is far away, the lush and dewdrawn grass

Planets lie beyond as shining thunder
Of this world where a girl must always look out
Her hopes lying beyond all other horizons
Her heart filled with hopelessness and doubt

But her hope, my hope, it never isn't there
I know I'd try, I know I'd always care
Given the chance I'd dance upon the fingertips of a foreigner
But across the world is a risk for another her

Or him, because they never give a chance to the far girl
Who sits there hoping and sees the true smiles but knows better
So meeting the man who sees through her always seem wondrous
But always he lies beyond her reach...always

Daydreams are like the lilies buried beneathe the snow
Beautiful angels without eyes in a lightless white
If only the one who charmed my heart could simply wait a while
But people prefer flowers over trees in this endless night