It's Sad

It's sad that I can tell exactly where along in my menstrual cycle I am. Like...right now. Unfortunately I don't realize until a bit into it, but I'm currently a pathetic mess.

I'm in estrus.

I don't know how many other girls experience this similar phase of their cycle, but I definitely do. I notice it because I'll realize I'm focusing on specific guys again...or on guys in general.

Let's say there's a guy I liked --- because there is --- that I had gotten over enough to basically ignore. I don't EVER have him off my mind fully, but...I'm...recovering. It'll take a while. I fell for him hard.

When my estrus comes into view, I begin to feel entirely enamored with whoever happens to be on my mind. I am so SICK of having so little control of parts of my conscious mind.

I hate not being able to control what I'm doing. I'll preen and make myself look my best for guys who have no interest in me, and haven't for many years. It's pathetic. I can't do anything to stop it either.

If I didn't know better, I'd go on about how this guy has the warmest eyes, a calming voice, and is just...everything I ever wanted. But it wouldn't be me doing the talking.

Because I've done it before, and I got a man I thought was my true love. It was all just a deception from my hormones. Fuck it.