Sweet Things

Life is fairly unbearable. I feel like a swan in a pool of familiar ducks, I feel like the one south wind against the north.

My friend NV stood up for me today...she sat with me because people rejected me. They don't like me for being different. I'm a freak. They hurt me every time they reject me. I get so scared thinking about them that my hands tremble...my whole body tingles. I don't like it...I feel the simmer right now, as I speak...

I'm...lucky to...have at least one true friend. She's been there for me a lot and is one of the few people as this school that I know is a good person. I want to give her a gift, but I'm poor...so I let my racing, newly-oiled mind on the bus decide that I'm going to give her gift inside her Yearbook. I'm going to write a thank you letter, write quotes, and decorate the page as beautifully as I can. She, AA, AC...they've all stood by me. I hope one day I can repay them...they deserve it.

Life is...complicated. Painful, stressful, simmering, burning. Full of yearning, hating, trying, nobody listening...

But even with my hormones fairly in check by now and out of the influence of mood droppers...I feel like misery. Sometimes I just want to cry...for no reason but my own...

And I..want someone.

But...who wants me...

No one.