Crushed by my own reflection.

The lucky female that is I cannot have a point during the month where mine fluctuations hormonal don't fuck me over.

I'm a tad hypomanic right now, but my diaphragm is tensed, as is the rest of my body. And I'm in the middle of my cycle, as I term it, a time when another part of me tries to alter my speech and therefore I can't speak as I might want to.

I have a migraine as I tend to get in my more up moods, but also want to get anything and everything finished. I need to accomplish things but also lack. Might be mixed...

Miserable, sitting here with an odd mind. I wish my sweet Tom was here...I want to hug his leg, and fall asleep there, him petting my hair maybe...

I dunno. It's odd. But that's the point...being allowed to do something odd because it's sweet, and having the other not question.

James misses me. But he never fought for me. He will regret losing me for the rest of his life, even if he refuses to admit to it to ANYONE.

Which is the case.

I'd rather be out gathering food right now or trying to keep warm for my own survival, than existing in this world where it's unnecessary, right now. Moods that make one incapable of functioning in the now...may be beneficial under other circumstances, and not grief-inducing.

I want to go outside and lie upon the frost-laden grass, kissing the moon and skies and dreaming of the man who could see it too.