Sweet dreams...

For some reason, some lovely and wonderful reason, the sandman defies me. I took 4 melatonin. They successfully made me unable to form sentences to write. But alas. No sleep. Just so you know, 1 melatonin alone does nothing to me, 4 seems to still not make me sleepy. It's been about an hour or less and it's almost worn off already.

It doesn't help that I am in a waking dream now.

There's this guy...I met him only a few days ago and it feels like at least a week or two.

The way he speaks is entrancing. I'll admit, at first I felt a little overwhelmed, but he seemed committed to replying, and didn't shrink what he said and didn't say anything to scare me off. And eventually I admitted defeat to his complex wordings, and he just admitted he had been trying to play off how I'd been speaking, and calmed it. I was interested. That night I began to funnel my focus away from any other possibilities on OkC.

The next time I spoke to him, I grew more interested still. And after that time, I couldn't get him off my mind. I'm quick to fall so that wasn't saying much, but I was quite caught.

After that...it was...lovely.

How else can I describe him, but entrancing, sweet...

He's from the UK. He has this look that...that, in a way, I can compare to João's. He looks nothing like João, but they both have this look that I seem to be attracted to despite any superficial issues one might have.

His mannerisms of speech are unique and charming. And his voice...that accent...do I even have to say? I don't care if he had to keep his voice down, or was recovering from a cold...it was perfect.

Everything about him just seems perfect and genuine...

...how can I ever compare? I'm afraid he'll realize I don't have much special about me, to me, within me...

And at this point, for some reason I don't fully grasp, I don't think I'd be able to recover very quickly if I lost my shot with him...if I was 'crushed' by my crush...as I often am.

He's different. But he's the same. The same in a way I'm sure of. In a way I can't tell much of anyone. But in a way I know I've been looking for for a very long time...

I think he could be another seed. I..I know. He's the second seed. I'm sure of it. I cannot explain it but for that analogy.

I say seed for a seed does not always become a flower. It must be planted, nurtured. It must be given all it needs to thrive upon and reach above the ground and deep beneath. It must grow towards the sun so it might spread its petals before me. And it must be perennial, with deep, undying roots.

I hope he can be my flower. I hope I'm his...