Love is a Flower; Hatreds, Fungi.

So Anzelical Wolfvayne is still as bipolarly manic as she was before. But there's a twist; this time, she is again in that magical time period where she's more fertile than an egg in a sperm bank, and so her hormones are trying (and succeeding) in making her desire procreation attempts. Unfortunately for my hormones, but fortunately (and somewhat unfortunately) for me, I've no way to satiate my cravings right now.

Did have an interesting experience. It made me jealous, but it was sweet and heart-opening. Love-making shouldn't be shunned in the U.S.. Sigh.

Also trying to think of how a 3-way would work. A few times I found some ways it would but I've forgotten them. Just not able to figure it out.

So anyhow, my libido is like a cat in heat. I AM a cat in heat. A shy cat in heat. Which is funny. But fortunately this shy cat in heat has met some decent people who realize that's all she is. It's nice to be entirely open to people. Or have someone to be able to speak to uncensored. Like I did all of last night. It was fun. I haven't talked like that...in...umm...years? Probably that. The mania and libido kind-of added to it though.

Also went bra-shopping. Wal-mart actually had something nice. First time I bought something thinking about who would see it (relating to under-attire). Unfortunately the only matching things were granny panties. Lacey granny panties. Black. And...umm...well...fitted so you could wear an adult diaper under them. I think Jed would like them. ...*shivers*

People wearing diapers should not be wearing lingerie at the same time.

My dad still is poking at everything I do wrong. Sigh. It pisses me off.

Also, Abraham fucking Lincoln texted me today. I want to rip his nuts off :'D ...yeah, I don't take too kindly to people who do to me what he did. He has no right to text me.

Wondering about asking for a job at Rite-Aid. If somehow Erica is fine with me living at Dorian's apartment if they kick St. Charleh out, then it's something I'd like. I'd be around something I love, I'd have access to people who might actually have interest in the things I adore talking about. But as of the moment, I live too far from it and have too little vehicle access. Sigh.

Almost cried earlier today though. I thought about the possibility of moving out, and thought about Buffy. Even if she'd be fine, being without her would break my heart. But I could never, EVER make her an inside cat. It'd be cruel. I would hate myself for it. I love her too much to do that to her...

Sigh, I am exhausted...and horny. And can do nothing about it.

Sure. I've seen a few possibilities of work targets. But nothing's realistic. One's apparently a full-time stoner. The other spent the entire other night at work teasing the hell out of me. It was amusing and hilarious, but he was entirely unserious. I don't think he had any clue about the secret me, lol. My work shirt is too big for me so my curves never show, and I look like shit with my hat and ponytail. I wanted to do something so much though that I spent a couple hours telling and talking to Erica about how much he had no clue he could get if he actually decided to drop me a line. She believed me :P

Unfortunately though I don't see it happening, as I'm far too shy around guys. And when I thought about it later...and from what I've heard, and the way he talked to me once when actually talking in a human voice (lol, normally he's a joker)...I don't see him the type that I still want to find. See, my best friend was...adventurous. I have this desire to be thrown up against a wall and pinned and I need go no further. Just once.

But I get this vibe that, though he's loud and obnoxious, he's actually very sweet underneath and...I dunno. He could have the possibility of tempting my heart, because I'm a romantic and if a guy ever actually 'made love' to me instead of had sex...I may fall.

And not sure I could tolerate someone who chews...even if it smells good. Because he might also drink. And...my mom has ruined my life with that, and I will never recover and can't...I can't do that anymore. I can't be near alcohol, ever...it hurts.

I think I've found how I interpret right and wrong. Right is allowance of choice; wrong is to deprive of it. All great moral issues tend to stem from things where the deprival of choice isn't entirely certain, or is debate-able. Other moral issues...well, they're just...ehh. I don't understand people all the time. All I know for certain is that, well...I d0n't care what you believe, that is your choice, so long as your belief doesn't deprive others of choice. You can hate gays; whatever. I won't agree. But as long as you tolerate and don't deprive them of any rights, it's not wrong; it's not right, but it's not wrong.

Belladonna is a beautiful flower so long as she keeps to herself. (a.k.a. the deadly nightshade)