A Fin De Me.

So there is a boy that has my heart...he doesn't seem to know it, but he's had it for a while. I've slowly been coming to realize this.

I've known him for over a year now. He's been the one I've had there to catch me when life threw me off cliffs into knives awaiting blood. He lives 130 miles from me...but he's been there for me more in the past year than anyone else. I never gave him a chance when he wanted it...and now, it's ironically the other way around.

I always looked for long-term relationships, but for the past few months I've wanted short-term only, ever since my last ex. Who I partly left because...I realized how I felt for Derek. Yes, that's his name, might as well say it...it's not as though he'll see this. I could show him but I dunno. we haven't had much chance to talk lately...

He's scared of distance, thinks he'll continue looking for another girl...I kind-of think he just doesn't know in general. I remember how he was. He was just like João was. I only just this moment made that connection...he fawned over me, was there, didn't give up...and, it took longer this time, but...I'm falling for him because of it.

Not many guys can tolerate me long-term. I am more than a handful. I'm that pile of popcorn you grab when they say take a handful and you want as much as you can. Some spills on the seat cushions, maybe on the floor...but there are very few who won't regret it. The ones who will be happy with all they got, ignore the flaws in the fallen pieces and take it as, "LOOK AT ALL MY POPCORN~" ...yes. I made a sweet statement using popcorn. xD But it fits perfectly. Because that's me.

I'm thinking...that before I move...I'll go see him. I need it to happen. I'm not going to let him get away. There are so few guys like him...and I know I would only regret it not happening. I'd rather spend a hundred or so to go see him for a day than to use that money for frivolous things. It's my last chance. I want nothing more than him.