Clueless

It's been so long...it was...wonderful. Yes, backpack straps and the...things that are on those that loosen/tighten, were in the way...but still...

And he didn't end it, either...he just held me...it felt so nice...the look in his eyes after...his grin...I don't know.  Head over feet, as Alanis says. I'm not even ovulating right now, it's not that even. I just...like him.

God, do I wish he wasn't taken...my god, I...the entire time, he could read me, so well...he accepted me. I let him in...I let him in, I never do that. I never says those things on my mind...

...I've never told anyone Iamme said something. They think she's just a fursona. She's an aspect of me, my heart. She embodies my basest, my darkest, my every desire and craving...and as I wear my heart on my sleeve, she displays a piece for people she feels for. She wants something for this guy. But...

I really should have known better. It was so nice and now I'm trapped, I want more. I'm addicted. You can't just have one nip of a cookie. One sliver of crab meat. A single fresh, delicious, yellow corn kernel.

I wanna let him see this. You hear me? You gut me...and on that note, I need some obsession quoted here:

"Come in. Every night you enter me like a criminal. You break into
my brain, but you're no ordinary criminal. You put your feet up, you drink your can of
Pepsi, you start to party, you turn up my stereo. Songs I've never heard, but I move
anyway. You get me crazy, I say 'Do it.' I don't care just do it. Jam me, jack me, push me,
pull me - talk hard!"

"You're the voice crying out in the wilderness, your the voice that
makes my brain burn and make my guts go gooey. Yeah you gut me, my insides spill on
your alter and tell the future, my steaming gleaming guts spill out your nature. I know
you, not your name, but your game. I know the true you, come to me or I'll come to you."

Nora, "Pump Up The Volume."

----

I want you
Not just physical anymore after I read your eyes because you let me in a little bit
I see something good and I don't want to let it slip away
Even if you're behind a fence I want you to stay in view and come nearer, towards me
Slowly
Every look I give pleading, every motion geared to summon you
You lure me
Control me
And you're one of a rare few I melt within the arms of...
Don't take that away from me
Feed me my poison, I'll gladly beg for more and lick my lips
Addicted to something that will always hurt me
If only you were mine

I want to look into your eyes
I'm so shy right now, I can't let you see me blush
Because...I shouldn't be blushing for you
I shouldn't have even gotten close...
Now I'm stuck to a hope
A hopeless hope
Like a wolf and the moon
Maybe you'll come to me...

I imagine now
If...I were to kiss you...
Your lips would be soft and gentle...not pushing...not speedy...
If my hand and yours
Met for but a moment or more
You grasping mine...taking it...I'd just...
Fall against you and breathe you in
Breathe out in a way I haven't in a long time
Why am I such a fool

I am being Cinna, why
No, I can't
But he's amazing
But you know better, Zelly
Iamme...
Derek's gone again, Zelly...Derek's gone again for whatever stupid reason he has now
I...
Maybe...your luck...will shift?...
Maybe...
My chest pain is gone...replaced with smooth water
You know why that is, Zelly...
That hug was so wonderful...I..didn't...want to leave it...I could have stood there forever...
His heart...
...will never be mine, will it?
Maybe in tumultuous worlds, Anzel...
Maybe she's just readying you so once you get it, you'll know it was worth getting...
Nature does strange things...you know she loves you though
The storms better you, heal you...
You can breathe...
Iamme...
Yes...I know...
I want it to happen too...
But whether you love...or hate...this girl
You know love
You -know-
How much it means
How much it hurts
You can't simply end what was never simple...
Wait...
I don't have an aspect of time...my patience only works for good things...
Think of it like a countdown...
That is...cruel...
But it's only for you...you have no association with her, my love...
Remember that...

I like him...