The Problem with Mania.

The problem with mania is knowing your limits. Knowing better than to say things, knowing things you will and won't be able to do.

This is what makes bipolar people do some pretty crazy shit. I know I do. Fortunately I know I'm bipolar, and can feel the difference in my attitude compared to a few days ago, and KNOW I went from depressed to manic. Problem is, doesn't get rid of that superhuman feeling. I kind-of have to watch myself. Like...you're given morphine to life for a certain amount of time. But once it wears off you'll feel EVERYTHING and it'll all still be there, all but the life morphine.

So basically, gotta be careful not to do stupid shit. Like how I'd blab my damn mouth in high school and everyone saw how much of a freak I was.

It makes me feel superior when I'm like this. My dad knows what I mean, though he'd never admit it, I've seen his cycles. He feels the superiority for periods of time, then the depression where it's just...gone.

*shivers* Unfortunately it doesn't appear the 2 bipolar medications I took so far, work. Haven't tried lithium.

It's possible still that whatever my dad and I have is a play on anxiety and bipolar. A disorder that's not really classified yet. Plenty exist. I've met people like myself before. But they're few and far between.....and...misunderstood.

So, hmm. Back to my...strange...on-reins mania. I dunno. I'm stressing myself. God damnit. Make me normal...