I don't have Gravy but I have Lucky Charms...

There is nothing like that moment when the internet fucks up and lies to you and gives you a mini heart attack. For me it means I'm fucked for the rest of the day but I covered that in a previous entry (adrenaline doesn't easily leave my body).

But I have reached that point where if I sleep now, I'll be more of a zombie at work than if I just stay awake. Fml.

Also, I do believe the internet feels only boys get horny. Pretty sure gay porn is for gays. Women are fucked over (in a bad way). Do you have any idea how difficult it is for a girl to find something? It's like they're telling you that you have to go find someone to have sex with irl cuz we're not gonna let you not risk pregnancy. Also, there's nothing like some of the games they have out there. Where you have to use your main hand to play and have to focus for a crappy pay-off.

Not fond of the fact that OkC people are locating this, but whatever. Unless they're stalkers they won't stick around. And if they are stalkers then whatever. Maybe being an eclectic humanoid will pay off and scare off.

Bad moods when manic = anger where sadness should be. Doesn't help that my magical fairy of happy joy and love and magical fireflies will show up soon. Yes. Fireflies are magic. Scientists LIE to you.

I do at times wish I had that ability to drowse off like most people. There has only ONCE, EVER been a time when I thought I'd pass out, and that was due to...something I'll keep to myself, bad experience with something. Almost passed out in technology class, was scared to death.

But I could never pass out if I kept my eyes closed for a long period of time with no thoughts in my head, unless trying to sleep. And even then my body is picky on position. Basically, I'm a human guard dog. Light sleeper, active at night, good sense of smell and hearing, suspicious of odd things...

I still want to give blood and stand up, just to pass out. Just once. To see that I actually CAN. That, or try anesthesia. I have the same feeling about that, this disbelief it'd ever actually work on me. They tried putting me on laughing gas when they pulled 6 of my teeth (ow; novocaine after-pain is worse than the pulling pain could have been), couldn't breathe it. Can't breathe hot air. EVOLUTION FAILS ME IN THIS TIME PERIOD.

I mean...in olden time, or in another location, having all these sentry-like traits could save lives. But here, all it does is screw me over. If and when I move out, I may have to try Unisom again, the only thing that seems to let me drift into sleep in unfamiliar locations. Melatonin, diphenhydramine...fuck no. x3 They don't work for shit for me :/

Nothing knocks me out. Nothing keeps me asleep. It can only help me drift off when I try. Meh.

I think I'm entering the stage where everything is funny again. It's happened a couple times now. I feel retarded after realizing I was in it. Meh.

I'm feeling like I couldn't fall asleep even if I tried right now. Not sure I want to test my luck. And my only proven method of putting myself to sleep (not unisom), I am reaaaaaally sick of at this point. I'd rather snuggle with a cactus.

I think blogs exist so people can talk to themselves without being called crazy. Woo. All aboard the crazy train.

Rally to Restore Sanity...I will never forget it. Woo.