Only human...unless I'm part alien.

I'm aware. I'm cold, heartless and calculating. Why? Because of this. Because I could read JUST BY reading what you typed that you'd act like this if rejected. So I did it swiftly and bluntly like an assassin. Would you have preferred me lead you on? I wasn't interested from Hello, in looks or manner of speech. That doesn't change. So sir, if you'd kindly accept this and not give me a speech, I'd appreciate it. I gave plenty of warning.

Now I feel like shit. I don't like upsetting other people, or feeling heartless. But I have to be. And though I don't care for the returned favor when people feel that way towards me, I understand it and don't whine. Girls complain...guys just whine. It's...annoying at times.

Sigh. I could have been much more blunt than I was. I could have easily said, "From the way you type things, I'm fairly certain our personalities will clash if we try and talk. And your looks? Eww." But nope. I didn't. Because I don't like being mean. But at the same time, I'm not going to fake giving someone a chance when it's not there to begin with. I'm not that type of girl.

I found a guy who's perfect in the looks department, in personality, speaks lovely and is a cuddly snuggler...and he's not sure he can handle long distance. Bah. If I can't change this I'll be all baww x3

I kind-of have this urge to randomly try and draw Alien. I did always think he looked cool. AND I have sketch pad paper left from art class. PROBLEM?

...lost my metal pencil sharpener IN MY ROOM. Eep. It's like the holy grail now. That, and mechanical pencils, which I have a few of, are also missing. Only good news is that I found my missing $60 in a bag. xD Plastic, not paper.

Might go to Wal-mart for the stuff I need...AND new eyeliner. Tell me this: WHEN was charcoal BLUE? I put it on, it went on crappily and was a navy black jean color. Sigh.

...great. The song has a skip in it. "Trouble" by Coldplay. Gonna just have to get it from my netbook. Bah x3

Scotty Doesn't Knowwwww~ Hehe. It's a fun song. Something I'd never do though xD Had one guy manipulated into cheating on me by another girl. Another guy kissed my friend's gf (and his friend's gf as well) whilst dating me. My life is awesome. Like pancakes.

PANCAKE, PANCAKES, HAPPY LITTLE TAN CAKES, STACK EM UP RIGHT TO THE SKY, I'LL BE HAPPY UNTIL I DO; OH PANCAKES, I LOVE YOU SO. OH I LOVE YOU, YES I DO, YES I DOOO~

...lol. I miss my old crazy bald German chorus teacher.

Singing date before work on Friday with Dale. I am really hoping to get some work done. A.k.a. music video for Youtube. It'll be crap on the video part but I don't have a microphone anywhere else.

Fergie shouldn't be allowed to write her own songs. I loved her voice in early Black Eyed Peas. She sucks at solo though.

Still in a boring part of the Bible. This man lived 40 years then died. Then another guy lived 40 years and died and had 30 sons and 40 daughters with 70 donkeys and then died. Then Israel did evil in the Lord's eyes. BLAH BLAH BLAH. 50 more pages of this and I may have a stroke.

Oh yes. I need references. If I'm going to do something as detailed as Alien, I'd need more references than are humanly possible. But it's an Alien so...hey. That's an accident. Normally I title after I type, but this time I titled the blog entry beforehand relating to a former situation and now it makes sense in a different way xD

It can take me...SO long to do a commission. Only ever did one once, one that I chose to do. I can't tend to do things I'm forced to do. I had a Secret Santa for the...BEST artist on the site I went to. Basically, the artist who designed several skins for characters in a game called The Endless Forest.





The dragon is Esque, Rah-bop's original character. It took several hours every day to make it. That's about actual size, used printer paper and about 50 references. There is nothing quite like black and quite with all the smudges of one's hand. I hate coloring. So much. It...ruins so much. Nature should be the only one allowed to color.

You can probably see why it took me so long. It's my proudest creation, but I refused to allow my dad to use it in one of his poems. Actually, I refused to allow him use any of my images, but he did it anyways. Honestly feels disrespectful. But in this case, it's someone I respect's original character, so I refused. Needless to say my dad's still pissed at me for disallowing it.

I did once commission my fursona from Kaylink I believe...






Big, I know. That's actually scaled down, even. Iamme is my fursona, somewhat a fursonification of my heart. With every relationship she wears something new. Her earrings are because I got earrings very late in my life. The only thing not 100% perfect is that I wouldn't have drawn the eyes that way, BUT in smaller versions she's absolutely perfect in every way and I adore her.

I'm feeling down again. Probably cuz I just thought of the guy from earlier who gave me a speech. Meh...

I can be entirely honest about this though: if you're the type of person to give me a speech because I'm cold to you once, we'd never work. Because I am an emotional cavalcade.

I truly needed my mood to get shot this early in the morning. Might listen to some heart songs...

Maybe talk a walk with Buffy, my heart, my sweet, beautiful girl. Until I found her I couldn't stand being single. Now, it's tolerable. Because I feel love for her. The hole in my heart isn't entirely empty. That week I thought her missing...it was a black hole. Meh...time to take a walk. Storm, come before me and down upon me, cloak me in your madness and your rain-filled thunder, anger at us all comforting me with your warm winds and petrichol afterwards...

Dear spell-check: petrichol is a word. So go die.