If it be your will, my love...

My night is ruined. All because I'm nice. God damn it. I hate people.

This guy I was friends with in high school posted how his life was ruined and such. I decided to offer to pick him up and watch some funny movies with him to help him get his mind off of whatever it was. (i'd tried in the past to ask him what troubled him and he never said, so i've given up on that)

Next thing I know, I'm blocked. I made sure, I don't make assumptions. Now my night is ruined.

Can't even fucking be nice to someone. Or even MAKE AN OFFER TO BE. I'd never date him, he's not my type. But I don't mind hanging with a friend watching something funny. How often do I do that? I NEVER get the chance to. He's vain if he thinks I'd want him. I'm polite enough not to be like most people who call him a pedo (that's terming it mildly compared to other people)...but still.

Child.

But the period of time between finding out my comment wouldn't go through and finding out for sure he'd blocked me was long enough to give me that adrenaline rush that will now linger with me and make me cry several times during the course of the night.

Can I please just...Idk...react like anyone else would to things and not have this lingering genetic curse...

Meh...feel like crying...this song's making me want to. "If It Be Your Will", the version by Lost Dogs.

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If it be your will
That I speak no more
And my voice be still
As it was before
I will speak no more
I shall abide until
I am spoken for
If it be your will
If it be your will
That a voice be true
From this broken hill
I will sing to you
From this broken hill
All your praises they shall ring
If it be your will
To let me sing
From this broken hill
All your praises they shall ring
If it be your will
To let me sing

If it be your will
If there is a choice
Let the rivers fill
Let the hills rejoice
Let your mercy spill
On all these burning hearts in hell
If it be your will
To make us well

And draw us near
And bind us tight
All your children here
In their rags of light
In our rags of light
All dressed to kill
And end this night
If it be your will

If it be your will.