Eternal Exhaustation.

Church continues to absolutely infuriate me. Every Sunday it's a different flavor of bullshit.

I go there, sit down, start reading. I'm currently at yet another part of the Bible where God's killing every non-believer and spiting people. He just...LOVES killing. Lives are meaningless to him, he is such a jealous guy. Such a piss-ant. He can't stand not being in control. :/ Maybe that's why "He" left.

I must ask, where have all the prophets gone? If he was still around, wouldn't he talk to one person in the billions and billions? Guess not. I don't get people right now.

Communion...fucking pisses me off. I sit as EVERYONE ELSE goes up and does the bs. People want me saved or wonder what's wrong with me. What's wrong? I dunno, maybe I'm not here by choice. Maybe this is absolutely offensive to be forced to take part in a religion I can not and will not believe sans proof.

Can't even enjoy singing. It's...different. People don't sing to sing there, they sing for their damned beliefs. My voice doesn't even try to escape, despite her adoration to be released. She knows better. She gave up months ago.

Then people pray for those that "have not seen the truth".

=.=

Every Sunday just pisses me off. I don't care what you believe, at all, or what you do. Freedom of choice.

But what I do unto others is NOT being done unto me. I'd never force a religion unto others...even if I have kids, I'll present them with everything. Though they will obviously be biased towards my agnostic beliefs because I won't force church on them, and won't force circumcision on them if they're male (please let that be so). But they are free to believe what comes naturally to them.

I want a son because...I dunno. Well...one, we need more decent guys in this world, I'd try and raise one. Two, I would hate myself for cursing a daughter with the misery I've experienced throughout my life with multiple chemical imbalances inherited from both sides of my family...

Third, I won't let the father name him. His name will be Silas Isaac, there is no say in the matter :P I fell in love with the name Silas when I heard someone in my swim class with that name. I just love it. And Isaac because I love I names. Isaac and Ian. If the father were entirely opposed to Silas I might go with Ian...or Tyler.

Not having a kid anytime soon though. If I somehow get pregnant (god knows how; all i've been doing is internet stuff, LOL), I will abort. Sorry, but this is my body, and no one else is about to help me. I will find a way and abort...or, if things keep going as they have been, I'd miscarry. Cuz short cycles tend to mean a baby can't properly develop, and I've been at 23 days recently.

I have a damn church song stuck in my head. Church songs are simple and sans most harmonies. (sans means without; i use this word a lot, it's one of the words i think needs to come into use more often)

This is why they are so easy to sing.

I am an alto. The harmony is gorgeous, it can make so much of a song. I listen for harmonies in all songs. But nope, church songs are easy so the masses learn them after a few lines. Bah.

Still can't believe they're sending people to Nicaragua for the sake of enlightening those people who are going...and spreading the word of God.

How about you spread some of the damned money you're wasting around so they don't starve before you even get there?

jdfhfhnvhdsnsfdnjsdunhvju

People piss me off.

So does fb, it keeps glitching~

Time to...attempt to nap a bit before work. I feel eternally exhausted. Bah.